The physics of cats

More cat humour from creation robot:

Laws applying to Cats

1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really, really, really good reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat. All heat flows to a cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. This could be up to half a mile.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as possible.

7 - Law of Cat Jumping
A cat can make her body springy enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop dead instantly.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.

11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light, or even faster at the speed of cat.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, find and take over the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond or catosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. A cat does not forgive you laughing at it.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Human stomaches are ideal for this.

22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

26 - Law of Selective Listening
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away.

27 - Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

28 - Law of Cat Invisibility
Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them.

29 - Law of Space-Time Continuum
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

30 - Law of Concentration of Mass
A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies or the need to lift them up.

31 - Law of Cat Probability, a Cat’s Uncertainty Principle
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she “might” be.

32 - Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered